1. Be Understanding When They Cancel Plans- One day they may want to have people over and make plans to go out while the next they could want to be alone. Let them feel comfortable in canceling any plans and don’t take it to heart if a few text or calls go unanswered from them. Also, know that they may have to cancel on you for health reasons.
2. Don’t Flake Out- Because of #1, people think that they are unwanted and disappear. That is far from the truth. Stay in contact, send a card/text, just let them know that you are thinking about them. They need your friendship and support more right now than ever. Another note is that some cancer treatments are years long. Don’t be there for their diagnosis and then forget about them.
3. Be Considerate of Their Immune System- Chemotherapy drastically lowers a person’s immune system, making them very sensitive to all germs and infections that they can't fight off. So, wash your hands when you come over, use hand sanitizer, cough/sneeze away from them, and if you’re sick in any way don’t come over at all. If you live with them then wear a mask, use Clorox wipes on everything you touch, and try to stay away from them.
4. Try to Take Their Mind Off Their Disease- Their disease is always on their mind or in the back of their head, so distract them with funny stories, having a sleep-over, or watching a good movie.
5. Listen- Many people with cancer feel like they become annoying if all they talk about is their cancer. However, the reality is that, that is their daily life right now and it’s all they really know. Just like your job or school is your daily life. Let them know that they can always talk to you and that it’s not annoying or a burden to you.
6. Understand When They Can’t Physically Keep Up with You- Chemo makes a person weak and they usually lose a lot of muscle in the process. When you make plans with them know that their energy level is not as high as it was and they can get tired quickly or start to feel sick from treatment at any time. When they say they want to leave, then take them home. Don’t hold it against them or make them feel like a burden or think they’re just playing the “cancer card”.
7. Know That They’ll Never Be the Same Person Before Cancer- They may look and act back to normal (even after treatment) when you’re around but, once you leave, it’s really not what it appears to be. They still suffer from the side effects of chemo/having cancer and are still trying to adjust to their “New Normal” life.
8. Show That You Care- People with cancer often have to get blood and platelet transfusions, so donating blood or platelets will show them that you actually care and understand what they’re going through. If they have a blood cancer that could require a bone marrow transplant, then sign up for the bone marrow registry. You may not be a match for them but you could be a match for someone else. This shows that you support and advocate for their cancer. If for your own health reasons you can’t do that then surprising them with little gift baskets, a card, or donating can be enough.
9. Be Patient- They are going through a roller coaster mentally and emotionally so try to be understanding when their moods seem to unexpectedly change day to day or even from that morning to that evening.
10. Love Them- They will never get tired of knowing they are loved. It will only make them stronger.
From personal experience, this is all I could think of for now. If I think of more down the line, I’ll write a part 2. I hope this was some helpful advice! XOXO